Aggregate Death
18 Unique Hearses
The Beluga Hearse.
The Liberace hearse is fab u lous. This is something you SHOULD be caught dead in.
True, red-blooded ‘Merican Patriots will find their way to their grave site in this tank (just don’t tell ’em it’s actually from the English Army).
This taxi doesn’t make round trips.
The Hearse preferred by 25% of pimps.
Every time this hearse is used, the funeral home has ten trees planted in a deforested area and 20 impoverished children are fed.
The Jetson Hearse
It can run on the gas created by decomposition.
The “Even-the-Zombie-Apocalypse-Won’t-Stop-Us-From-Burying-You” Hearse
The Sandwich Hearse: You’re the cold cut between two bros.
It might be anachronistic, but who cares.
This ’80s porn star hearse is looooonng.
The “Cremator”: it self cremates.
The Cinderella hearse used to be a magic pumpkin.
Accommodates those who die in Venice, Italy (true story).
The hearse preferred by 75% of pimps.
This hearse is specifically designed for the funeral director who is always running a little late.
This is the “All-in-One”.
Mother’s Day Silly Death Joke
I heard this joke today at church:
An old Italian woman lived alone in the country. It was nearing Mother’s Day and she wanted to dig her tomato garden, as she had done every year, but it was very hard work for the aging woman as the ground was hard. Her only son, Vincent, who used to help her, was currently in prison because of his affiliation with The Mob. The old woman wrote a letter to her son and described her predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Mom.
A few days later she received a letter from her son:
Dear Mom,
Not for nothing, but don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the BODIES.
Love Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the old woman’s house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn’t find any bodies, so they apologized to the old woman and left.
That same day the old woman received another letter from her son.
Dear Mom,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Happy Mother’s Day,
Vinnie
