Aggregate Death
A Disheartening death of history: Torn to pieces by cats
You know how it is. You get a cat, seeking companionship and amusement, and are rewarded with the occasional tea-time display of self-serving affection. It’s charming, so you get another. And one more. Pretty soon, your home makes visitors’ eyes sting. People stop calling by. You let your hair grow wild. You enthusiastically take up muttering.
In 1870, in Iran, a rich eccentric lady had cheerfully embarked on much this kind of path, breeding and buying cats to her heart’s content and passing her days in an agreeable if malodorous blur of purrs.
Then disaster struck. A fire broke out, and as it swept through the house, the cats were trapped behind a door. Two maids were sent to free them, but the blaze had driven the beasts berserk. The instant the door was opened, they flew at the unfortunate young women, tearing, scratching and biting them in a frenzy. Their injuries were so severe, they both died.
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Stupid Lawyer Death Joke
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
“Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?”
“No.”
“So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren’t sure the man was dead, were you?”
“Well, the man’s brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living.”
