Aggregate Death
10 Ways to Make Your Obituary Spicy
1. Add random, nonessential, odd information. Example:
2. As displayed in Fred Clarke’s obituary, you can add an implied curse word for some spice, and then go on to mention bacon. In fact, if your family finds a way to mention bacon in your obituary, it’s almost guaranteed that you were winning at life.
(Fred) wouldn’t abide self important tight *censored*.
During his life he excelled at mediocrity. He loved to hear and tell jokes, especially short ones due to his limited attention span. He had a life long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars and bourbon. You always knew what Fred was thinking much to the dismay of his friend and family. His sons said of Fred, “he was often wrong, but never in doubt”. When his family was asked what they remembered about Fred, they fondly recalled how Fred never peed in the shower – on purpose.
Fred’s obit is quite funny. You can read the rest of it here.
3. You can add a humorous, touching yet snarky quip like the one Robert James Smith‘s wife wrote in his obituary:
Robert James (Bob) Smith, 69, of Wilmington, North Carolina, surprised and annoyed his wife by dying in his sleep in the early hours of January 6, 2005.
4. Or, you can skip the humorous and snarky part and major on the touching, exemplified by Stephen Schleis’ obit:
Before his passing on Sunday, Stephen Schleis had forged an 84-year-old trail of laughter, generosity, compassion and wisdom. He was more than a role model to his family. He was a hero.
He raised his five children in a modest three-bedroom home that he and his wife built in Barberton. Their love made it a castle.
Steve broke his back serving in the Navy duringWorld War II. For 30 years, he found comfort sleeping on the living room floor. Each morning, his children rolled him over so he could crawl to the corner and “walk” himself up the wall. Then we sent him off to work two factory jobs so we could afford private school and an in-ground swimming pool and basketball court on our quarter-acre lot — things he was far too busy to ever enjoy.
He wouldn’t eat until everyone in his household had their plates full. He never complained if he missed out on the apple pie or the warm rolls. Even at the end, confused by dementia and eating pureed food, he wouldn’t take a bite without whispering: “You first.” …
5. Or, you can bypass the touchy type obituary and just say it like it is … like the writer of this obituary did for a Mr. Roosevelt Conway:
6. If you have the chance, write it yourself.
OLAIS, HENRY “HANK” JR. I am writing my own obituary because one year ago I learned I had brain cancer specifically, Glioblastoma Multiforme IV. This was after 17 hours in the emergency room. Initially I thought I was having a stroke but an MRI proved me wrong. I was given about one year to live and told to get my affairs in order. Hence, I got to write my own obituary. … The highlight of my life was meeting the most accomplished woman I had ever met, Barbara (Harrison). We married and continued to work together to attain our goals. She is the greatest partner anyone could find in life and I feel so privileged that she agreed to marry me. For the next 25+ years, while challenges continued, we stood by each other growing in love, respect and friendship.
7. Mention the deceased’s life long love affair with bodily functions:
“Glen enjoyed reading, film, live music, flying, travel and booze…Glen was also greatly amused by farts and was often heard to say ‘Who Farted?’ He loved to laugh at himself as well as others.”
8. Or, mention their life long love affair with giving everyone they knew peculiar nicknames:
9. And, if you’re in the habit of making up names, maybe you could just make up a fake obituary.
Waldo, 36, is missing and presumed dead. “We Gave up looking for him years ago.” Said a spokesman for a local search team. “In the past we’d scour the earth, buy every time we’d find him he’d take off again. Finally, we put his picture on a mild carton and said the hell with it.” Other reactions were mixed.” It was a case of sibling rivalry,” said Carmen Sandiego a half-sister. “Waldo tried to outdo me by hiding in shopping malls and outdoor rock concerts. These had no educational value, so it’s no wonder people stopped caring.” “The little deadbeat owed us for 20,000 tasseled caps, said a spokesman for the Acme Headgear Co. “Now we’re filing for bankruptcy, thanks to him.” A memorial service for Waldo will be held at 11 a.m. tomorrow at an unspecified location. Those wishing to attend will have to find it for themselves.
10. You can mention your gifts/talents. And if I was a woman, and I bought designer bras, I would appreciate this deceased woman’s gift.
Selma Koch, a Manhattan store owner who earned a national reputation by helping women find the right bra size, mostly through a discerning glance and never with a tape measure, died Thursday at Mount Sinai Medical Center. She was 95 and a 34B.
Nine Photos of Extraordinary Deaths
One of the most iconic images of suicide, sometimes called “The most beautiful suicide” is that of Evelyn McHale who jumped from the Empire State Building to her death on a United Nations limousine parked on the kerb. Rober C. Wiles, a student photographer, heard the crash and immediately rushed to the scene taking this photograph within minutes of her fall. — Quora user Sreeram N Ramasubramanian
Many powerful photographs have been made in the aftermath of the devastating collapse of a garment factory on the outskirts of Dhaka, Bangladesh. But one photo, by Bangladeshi photographer Taslima Akhter, has emerged as the most heart wrenching, capturing an entire country’s grief in a single image.
“This image, while deeply disturbing, is also hauntingly beautiful. An embrace in death, its tenderness rises above the rubble to touch us where we are most vulnerable. By making it personal, it refuses to let go. This is a photograph that will torment us in our dreams. Quietly it tells us. Never again.” — from Quora user Kuber Kaul
The photo that changed the face of AIDS. “In November 1990 LIFE magazine published a photograph of a young man named David Kirby — his body wasted by AIDS, his gaze locked on something beyond this world — surrounded by anguished family members as he took his last breaths. The haunting image of Kirby on his death bed, taken by a journalism student named Therese Frare, quickly became the one photograph most powerfully identified with the HIV/AIDS epidemic that, by then, had seen millions of people infected (many of them unknowingly) around the globe. — TIME
Pulitzer Prize winner for 1963 of Navy chaplain Luis Padillo holding a dying soldier in the 1962 El Porteñazo uprising. Titled: Aid From The Padre
Doctors and nurses bowing to body of Xiwang to pay their last respects. Nicknamed Xiwang, meaning “hope”, the 2-year-old girl from Inner Mongolia was born with a terminal form of cerebral palsy.
“Instead of burning our dead daughter to ashes, we decided to donate her organs to save other kids. We called her Xiwang because we wanted to give the hope of life to other children who need our help,” said Wang Xiaofei, the girl’s mother
- The girl became the first female human organ donor in Chifeng, and the youngest donor in Inner Mongolia
- The two children who received Xiwang’s organs were in good condition
On June 11, 1963, Thich Quang Duc, a Buddhist monk from Vietnam, burned himself to death at a busy intersection in downtown Saigon to bring attention to the repressive policies of the Catholic Diem regime that controlled the South Vietnamese government at the time. Buddhist monks asked the regime to lift its ban on flying the traditional Buddhist flag, to grant Buddhism the same rights as Catholicism, to stop detaining Buddhists and to give Buddhist monks and nuns the right to practice and spread their religion.
While burning Thich Quang Duc never moved a muscle. — Pawan Burnwal
Man Falling from the World Trade Center on 9/11. “The Falling Man.”
In the case of Hiroshima and Nagasaki some of the (atomic) shadows are left from people. The picture shown is a man’s shadow which has been burned into the surface of a concrete footbridge. 
The photo taken on Aug. 31, 2008 shows firemen trying to get out two bodies after an earthquake hit the boundary of Panzhihua city and Huili county in Sichuan, China, on Aug. 30.
The mother was protecting her child to the very last moment of her life, but still all is in vain. Every one was hoping that the child could be alive, but (it was not to be). — Yash Ostwal,
The Mortician: A Poem
The Mortician
Today’s guest poem is by Lori Papa
What does one look like?
Some stories portray
A revived, aged cadaver
in morning suit grey.
A scrooge-like old man
Whom leaves one feeling dread,
For his business is busying
himself with the dead.
These stories all told,
Tales of creepiest creeps,
Speak of “diggers” who robbed
those that now “rest in peace”.
Is it folklore and fear
that breed stories and myth?
Should these be stacked away
with Tales of the Crypt?
I believe they have value
On All Hallows Eve
Or at campfire outings
or for scaring some plebes.
Other than that
They should “rest in peace”
We should Bury our Fears
As we have our deceased.
So, What does one look like?
I’ll try to explain
With all fears aside,
There’s some insight to gain.
For I know a Mortician
He’s lived by my side.
My wonderful husband
with whom I abide.
A compassionate man,
Who knows of forgiving.
For his business is busying
himself with the Living.
His smile will calm you
and you’ll rest assured
that he will support you
as you must endure.
He wears strength on his shoulders,
Respect on his arms
As he is your escort
Through some of Grief’s harm.
15 Raw Confessions about Death
These “confessions” were posted on Whisper and sourced by Buzzfeed.
Whisper is an app where you can anonymously share your thoughts, feelings, etc. in a community of trust and honesty.
Here are 15 confessions about death:
