Aggregate Death
Weird Deaths of History: The Horrible Demise of György Dózsa
This is an R-rated death tale. You’ve been forewarn.
As his suppression had become a political necessity, Dózsa was routed at Temesvár (today Timişoara) by an army of 20,000[5] led by John Zápolya and István Báthory. He was captured after the battle, and condemned to sit on a heated smoldering iron throne with a heated iron crown on his head and a heated sceptre in his hand (mocking at his ambition to be king). While he was suffering in this way, a procession of nine fellow rebels, who had been starved beforehand, were led to this throne. In the lead was Dózsa’s younger brother, Gergely, who was cut in three before Dózsa despite Dózsa asking for Gergely to be spared. Next, executioners removed hot pliers from fire and forced them into Dózsa’s skin. After pulling flesh from him, the remaining rebels were ordered to bite where the hot iron had been inserted and to swallow the flesh. Those who refused, about three or four, were simply cut up which prompted the remaining rebels to do as commanded. In the end, Dózsa died on the throne of iron from the damage that was inflicted while the rebels who obeyed were let go without further harm.[6]
15 Funeral Home Advertising Wins and Fails
As I’ve said numerous times, it’s a struggle for funeral homes to advertise.
Where do we advertise? At nursing homes? Hospitals? Bars? Along dangerous highways?
It’s a struggle for us to sponsor events.
What should we sponsor? A BBQ fundraiser? Who wants to see a funeral home ad on the back of their son’s Little League uniform?
And when other businesses can donate a coupon or a gift certificate to a charity auction, the funeral homes can donate … what? A used casket? A groupon?
So here are fifteen fails and wins and good hearted attempts at funeral home advertising.
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Nine Benefits of Hiring a Funeral Director
© 2014 Raina Gauthier, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio
There’s a lot of “death hacks” and DIY options that all but eliminate the need for a funeral director. But, this doesn’t mean funeral directors are outdated and unneeded. Like taxes, wedding planning, buying a house or even giving birth, there’s a range of symbiotic DIY options and professional involvement. While it’s usually possible to have a DIY funeral, funeral directors are beneficial during the death process.
Here are nine benefits to hiring a funeral director:
1. Documents, Applications, Paperwork, etc.
We’re kind of pros at this stuff. From death certificates to burial permits, to military marker applications to Social Security reporting, we can fill them out like Brian Williams can make up war stories.
2. Good hugs.
I’d like to believe I give some of the best hugs. I’ve probably hugged more people than Hugh Heffner has slept with (okay, that might be an exaggeration). I’ve perfected my squeeze, my hold length (not too longer and not too short) and I know the right time to give a little kiss on the cheek. Yes, we give hugs to people who don’t hire us, but we give more hugs to the people that do.
3. Logistical Stress Relief.
When my wife and I got married we were young and situated in the poverty bracket. Our wedding was put together by the good will of our family and friends. We — my wife and I — did much of the logistical and orderly work ourselves before and during our wedding day. It’s hard to look back at our wedding and say, “Oh yeah, we had a blast” because we were the one’s pulling together the last minute details and making sure the wedding orchestration was on point.
Weddings are stressful. So are funerals. To have a wedding planner would have helped the joy of our wedding day. To have a funeral director can often help the grief of death.
4. Stable Minds for Unstable Souls.
I don’t really like the term “funeral director” because I believe our role should be less directing and more guiding. We can do either, but our experience, the fact that “we’ve done this” a lot allows us to provide you with a stability reference point when you’re at your most unstable moment. In some sense, we are like hiking guides. We can help you trek through some of the stages of a foreign environment.
5. Reference Gold Mine.
We know people. Pastors. Celebrants. Insurance Companies. Estate lawyers. Newspaper contacts. Flower shops. Funeral catering companies. Bagpipers. Organists. Irish Dancers. Bar tenders. VA Benefits Personnel.
6. At Need Attention.
When a death in your family occurs, your mind can become a crazy whirlwind of thoughts and feelings. Rarely do those thoughts and feelings pop into your mind in a nice orderly fashion. They come early in the morning, late at night, etc. and we’re there — usually a phone call away — from helping within our capacity.
7. Product Availability.
Yes, Walmart sells caskets. But we’re like the Walmart of funeral products: we’re that one stop shop for all things funeral. And if we don’t have the urn or casket or thing you’re looking for, we usually have the connections to those who do.
8. Back Rubs.
The code phrase is “Grin Reaper”. If you say that phrase to any funeral director, we’ll be obligated to give you a back rub that will rid your body of grief pain.
9. Embalming.
If funeral directors think embalming is the very best we have to offer the grieving masses, we’re missing out on our true potential.
But, with that said, when a death is tragic and the body has been disfigured and there’s a desire to see the deceased in a less disfigured state, embalming and restorative art offer a real value to the bereaved that only we can provide.
