Caleb Wilde
(218 comments, 980 posts)
Posts by Caleb Wilde
Nine Benefits of Hiring a Funeral Director
© 2014 Raina Gauthier, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio
There’s a lot of “death hacks” and DIY options that all but eliminate the need for a funeral director. But, this doesn’t mean funeral directors are outdated and unneeded. Like taxes, wedding planning, buying a house or even giving birth, there’s a range of symbiotic DIY options and professional involvement. While it’s usually possible to have a DIY funeral, funeral directors are beneficial during the death process.
Here are nine benefits to hiring a funeral director:
1. Documents, Applications, Paperwork, etc.
We’re kind of pros at this stuff. From death certificates to burial permits, to military marker applications to Social Security reporting, we can fill them out like Brian Williams can make up war stories.
2. Good hugs.
I’d like to believe I give some of the best hugs. I’ve probably hugged more people than Hugh Heffner has slept with (okay, that might be an exaggeration). I’ve perfected my squeeze, my hold length (not too longer and not too short) and I know the right time to give a little kiss on the cheek. Yes, we give hugs to people who don’t hire us, but we give more hugs to the people that do.
3. Logistical Stress Relief.
When my wife and I got married we were young and situated in the poverty bracket. Our wedding was put together by the good will of our family and friends. We — my wife and I — did much of the logistical and orderly work ourselves before and during our wedding day. It’s hard to look back at our wedding and say, “Oh yeah, we had a blast” because we were the one’s pulling together the last minute details and making sure the wedding orchestration was on point.
Weddings are stressful. So are funerals. To have a wedding planner would have helped the joy of our wedding day. To have a funeral director can often help the grief of death.
4. Stable Minds for Unstable Souls.
I don’t really like the term “funeral director” because I believe our role should be less directing and more guiding. We can do either, but our experience, the fact that “we’ve done this” a lot allows us to provide you with a stability reference point when you’re at your most unstable moment. In some sense, we are like hiking guides. We can help you trek through some of the stages of a foreign environment.
5. Reference Gold Mine.
We know people. Pastors. Celebrants. Insurance Companies. Estate lawyers. Newspaper contacts. Flower shops. Funeral catering companies. Bagpipers. Organists. Irish Dancers. Bar tenders. VA Benefits Personnel.
6. At Need Attention.
When a death in your family occurs, your mind can become a crazy whirlwind of thoughts and feelings. Rarely do those thoughts and feelings pop into your mind in a nice orderly fashion. They come early in the morning, late at night, etc. and we’re there — usually a phone call away — from helping within our capacity.
7. Product Availability.
Yes, Walmart sells caskets. But we’re like the Walmart of funeral products: we’re that one stop shop for all things funeral. And if we don’t have the urn or casket or thing you’re looking for, we usually have the connections to those who do.
8. Back Rubs.
The code phrase is “Grin Reaper”. If you say that phrase to any funeral director, we’ll be obligated to give you a back rub that will rid your body of grief pain.
9. Embalming.
If funeral directors think embalming is the very best we have to offer the grieving masses, we’re missing out on our true potential.
But, with that said, when a death is tragic and the body has been disfigured and there’s a desire to see the deceased in a less disfigured state, embalming and restorative art offer a real value to the bereaved that only we can provide.
Deceased’s family uses his obituary to warn against heroin
“His brother, Andrew, and sister, Allie, wrote his obituary,” said Alex’s mother, Penny Hesse. “And they felt it necessary to let other people know this drug kills.”
Obituary for Alex Michael Hesse
Alex Michael, age 26, of Harrison. Passed away on January 29, 2015. He was born on December 1, 1988 in Cincinnati, Ohio to Ricky “Rick” and Penny (nee Gaskins) Hesse. He had one brother: Andrew and two sisters: Allie and Angela.
Growing up he was just like any other young man. He was active in sports, playing football and baseball as a child, and playing on the high school golf team. He loved music and could pick up any instrument and learn how to play it. He especially loved the guitar and piano and often composed songs for those instruments. He had an array of talents that many could envy. However, in the naivity of his youth, he made some mistakes that ended up costing him his life. All of the wonderful blessings that he had: talent, friendships, positive outlook on life, and, most importantly, family were sidelined by a wrong decision to do drugs.
In life, one little decision can make a huge impact on not just you but also those that love and care for you. Alex had a loving and supporting family and had everything a young man could want. But drugs took ahold of his life, changed him, and destroyed so much of the hope and promise in his future. You may ask why we are sharing this personal part of Alex’s life. Hopefully by making more people aware of Alex’s struggle, we can shed some light on this devastating issue and work to fix a very big problem in our community. This was a wonderful life, full of hope and promise, ended far too short. If his story can help one person not make the same mistakes that Alex did, save one family from losing a loved one far too young, then sharing this tragedy will be worth it and help to add meaning to a life cut far too short. While we are sad to see him go, we are relieved that his struggle is over and now he is at peace. The family thanks all of their close friends and family that have stood by their side in support over the many years of Alex’s addiction. Without each of you this family wouldn’t be as strong as they are today.
Five Ways Funeral Directors Can Bully Their Customers
© 2006 Gregory Veen, Flickr | CC-BY-SA | via Wylio
There are bullies in every business. In the funeral industry — because of the customers emotional vulnerability and the fact that the purchases are often of high value — there’s a greater opportunity for bully funeral directors to exploit their customers.
Back in elementary school, I learned a lesson about bullies: they gain their value off provoking emotional reactions and thrive off feeling a sense of power over you. Take away the power, take away the emotional reactions, and — they might still be mean — but they no longer have the power and value they so desperately seek.
While I continue to believe that the majority of funeral director are honest, empathetic and service oriented, some funeral director will bully their clients into more expensive funerals, especially pricier vaults and caskets purchases. While the elementary school bullying has evolved, the intention is still the same: to exploit emotions and gain power.
Here are five ways — and some cliche lines — funeral directors use to manipulate their customers into upsells:
Creating false and/or unsubstantiated expectations:
If you buy this vault, your husband will be protected for ALL ETERNITY.
Buying this casket will ensure that your son will stay in perfect shape for the next hundred years.
Guilt Trip.
I’m sure he was the best dad ever. He certainly deserves the best casket.
I wouldn’t put my dog in that vault.
You may not have been able to provide the best stuff for your son in life, but you can give him the best in death.
Emotional Manipulation.
I hate the thought of worms eating my loved one’s flesh, which is why this sealer vault gives me peace of mind.
Can you put a price on your peace of mind?
Religious Persuasion.
Jesus Christ had a sealer tomb.
Insects, mice, nothing can get into this casket except the Lord Jesus Christ on Resurrection Day.
(I’ve actually heard of funeral directors who dissuade customers from cremation with religious reasons. Yes, Islam and Judaism traditionally prohibit cremation, but all Christian traditions [except for Eastern Orthodoxy] allow for the cremation of the deceased’s remains).
Aggressive Sales Tactics.
THIS is the casket you need.
I KNEW your father and I KNOW that your father would want this vault.
You don’t want a CHEAP casket. Do you?
*****
As I’ve said before, if you EVER feel like you’re being manipulated or exploited by a funeral director, fire your funeral director. Walk out and tell them, “I’m taking my business somewhere else.” Death causes us to be emotional vulnerable and the last thing you need is a funeral director attempting to weasel his/her way into your wallet.
If you’re already the type of person who is susceptible to manipulation (you’re a “people pleaser”, you lack assertiveness, low self-esteem, etc.), it’s smart to bring someone with you when you to make arrangements. The last thing you need while coping with a death is to feel like you’ve been exploited by a funeral director.
