On Being Friends with an Undertaker: 10 Things You Should Know
One. We’ll Disappoint You
I suppose every friend will disappoint you once in a while; but funeral directors will probably do it more often. We might miss your birthday party, we might have to leave in the middle of dinner.
Death has this way of keeping an untimely schedule. And as death’s minions, we’re tied to that schedule. Whether it be in the middle of the night, or in the middle of your wedding, when death calls, we have to respond.
Two. We Might Ask You to Help Us on a Death Call or on a Funeral
Every once in a while, we need some help at work. And don’t be surprised if we end up calling you. Most of my friends have helped me once or twice on a death call. One specifically (ADAM!!!) refused to help, which is fine … even though I was willing to pay him. If you don’t want to go on a death call with your funeral friend, you can use Adam’s line, “No amount of money is enough to touch a dead body.” Fair enough 🙂
Three. The Conversation Starter “What did you do today?” Isn’t a Good Question to Ask a Funeral Director
Especially around dinner. We might make you lose your appetite. Or we could just make you depressed.
Four. Keep Pursuing Us
The schedule of our work can be very rigorous. And free time can be hard to come by. Sometimes we don’t get to see our families very often and the little free time we have, we want to spend it with our partner and children. And sometimes we just have to say “no” when you invite us out to dinner or a ball game. But don’t be hurt by our “no” and please keep asking us to visit with you. Funeral directors need friends too.
Five. We Tend to Party Hard
There’s a variety of reasons funeral directors like to have fun; but probably one of the main reasons is that death has made us realize the fleeting nature of life. And some of us (like myself) don’t naturally fit into the dress suit and tie persona; so when we’re out of the suit and tie, we let our hair down.
Six. Unicorns
Every single funeral director in the entire world loves unicorns. So if you don’t know what to get us for Christmas or our birthday, buy us a unicorn.
Seven. It’s Okay If We’re Slightly Depressed
If you’re hanging out with a funeral director and you notice they’re down, it’s not a reflection on you. Most of the time we are the stable minds in the midst of the bereaved unstable souls. But sometimes — whether it be the death of a child, or a particularly tragic death — our job throws us down.
Eight. We Tend to be Givers
The nature of our business is service. And many of us enter and stay in this business because we enjoy serving. This “servant hearted” nature bleeds out to our family and friends. We like to give things, whether it be paying for your meal, or giving nice Christmas gifts, or nice cards. Accept our gifts. It might be hard. But gifts and service is how we show you our love.
Nine. Yes, We Might Have a Morbid Sense of Humor
We’re notorious for having an odd sense of humor. So be forewarned.
Ten. We Need You.
Our family and friends are our life. Literally. Our jobs are dark and at times depressing. You are the light that gives us life. And in a job that consumes so much of us, if we’ve invested in you it means that we really value you. Sometimes, you — our friends and family — are the only thing that keep us grounded. Even though it might be hard for us to show it, we not only love you, but we need you in our lives.
