1.  Add random, nonessential, odd information.  Example:

2.  As displayed in Fred Clarke’s obituary, you can add an implied curse word for some spice, and then go on to mention bacon.  In fact, if your family finds a way to mention bacon in your obituary, it’s almost guaranteed that you were winning at life.

(Fred) wouldn’t abide self important tight *censored*.

During his life he excelled at mediocrity. He loved to hear and tell jokes, especially short ones due to his limited attention span. He had a life long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars and bourbon. You always knew what Fred was thinking much to the dismay of his friend and family. His sons said of Fred, “he was often wrong, but never in doubt”. When his family was asked what they remembered about Fred, they fondly recalled how Fred never peed in the shower – on purpose.

Fred’s obit is quite funny.  You can read the rest of it here.

3.  You can add a humorous, touching yet snarky quip like the one Robert James Smith‘s wife wrote in his obituary:

Robert James (Bob) Smith, 69, of Wilmington, North Carolina, surprised and annoyed his wife by dying in his sleep in the early hours of January 6, 2005.

4.  Or, you can skip the humorous and snarky part and major on the touching, exemplified by Stephen Schleis’ obit:

Before his passing on Sunday, Stephen Schleis had forged an 84-year-old trail of laughter, generosity, compassion and wisdom. He was more than a role model to his family. He was a hero.

He raised his five children in a modest three-bedroom home that he and his wife built in Barberton. Their love made it a castle.

Steve broke his back serving in the Navy duringWorld War II. For 30 years, he found comfort sleeping on the living room floor. Each morning, his children rolled him over so he could crawl to the corner and “walk” himself up the wall. Then we sent him off to work two factory jobs so we could afford private school and an in-ground swimming pool and basketball court on our quarter-acre lot — things he was far too busy to ever enjoy.

He wouldn’t eat until everyone in his household had their plates full. He never complained if he missed out on the apple pie or the warm rolls. Even at the end, confused by dementia and eating pureed food, he wouldn’t take a bite without whispering: “You first.” …

5. Or, you can bypass the touchy type obituary and just say it like it is … like the writer of this obituary did for a Mr. Roosevelt Conway:

6.  If you have the chance, write it yourself.

OLAIS, HENRY “HANK” JR. I am writing my own obituary because one year ago I learned I had brain cancer specifically, Glioblastoma Multiforme IV. This was after 17 hours in the emergency room. Initially I thought I was having a stroke but an MRI proved me wrong. I was given about one year to live and told to get my affairs in order. Hence, I got to write my own obituary. … The highlight of my life was meeting the most accomplished woman I had ever met, Barbara (Harrison). We married and continued to work together to attain our goals. She is the greatest partner anyone could find in life and I feel so privileged that she agreed to marry me. For the next 25+ years, while challenges continued, we stood by each other growing in love, respect and friendship.

7.  Mention the deceased’s life long love affair with bodily functions:

“Glen enjoyed reading, film, live music, flying, travel and booze…Glen was also greatly amused by farts and was often heard to say ‘Who Farted?’  He loved to laugh at himself as well as others.”

8.  Or, mention their life long love affair with giving everyone they knew peculiar nicknames:

9.  And, if you’re in the habit of making up names, maybe you could just make up a fake obituary.

Waldo, 36, is missing and presumed dead. “We Gave up looking for him years ago.” Said a spokesman for a local search team. “In the past we’d scour the earth, buy every time we’d find him he’d take off again. Finally, we put his picture on a mild carton and said the hell with it.” Other reactions were mixed.” It was a case of sibling rivalry,” said Carmen Sandiego a half-sister. “Waldo tried to outdo me by hiding in shopping malls and outdoor rock concerts. These had no educational value, so it’s no wonder people stopped caring.” “The little deadbeat owed us for 20,000 tasseled caps, said a spokesman for the Acme Headgear Co. “Now we’re filing for bankruptcy, thanks to him.” A memorial service for Waldo will be held at 11 a.m. tomorrow at an unspecified location. Those wishing to attend will have to find it for themselves.

10.  You can mention your gifts/talents.  And if I was a woman, and I bought designer bras, I would appreciate this deceased woman’s gift.

Selma Koch, a Manhattan store owner who earned a national reputation by helping women find the right bra size, mostly through a discerning glance and never with a tape measure, died Thursday at Mount Sinai Medical Center. She was 95 and a 34B.

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