Ten Things to Hate about Me

“I hate this guy” he wrote, referring to me.  This past weekend I was on the front page of NBC’s news site and the hate remark was in reference to the content of the article.

I get it.  I put myself out on facebook, twitter and my blog and not everyone will like me.  BUUUUTTT, it still kinda hurts.

In addition to that remark, this last month has brought some disapproving assessments such as “You’re a disgrace to the funeral industry.”, “You should quit.”,  “(your content) shouts inappropriate and trashy” and that I’m “completely nuts.”   Because the value of the conversation about death and funerals outweighs the negative comments, I’m okay with the criticism.  In fact, I welcome it, knowing that criticism and even hate are all apart of this important conversation.

But, if you’re gonna hate, let me help.  Let me help by attempting to put your feelings into words.  I think we can have a better conversation if you know WHY you hate me.  So, here are ten:

One.  I represent a rather avant-garde approach to death and funerals.

I like tradition.  Most of us do.  Tradition becomes a part of who we are.  And when some young guy like me comes along and starts talking about and questioning a part of your tradition, it’s like I’m questioning and talking about you.  It’s like I’m demeaning you and your tribe.

Two.  I don’t treat death as sacred as you might like me to.

In my opinion, death and the funeral industry aren’t like the sacred Ark of the Covenant … something that can only be talked about and handled by the professionals … something that’s hidden behind layers of veils.  I’ve removed the veil.  I don’t treat it like it’s a distant abstraction.  I think it’s real and near.  I weave humor into it.  I don’t think it’s only for the professionals.  In fact, I think – in one way or another – we all have a right to talk about it.  And yes, even Tweet about it.

Three.  I’m a millennial and I tend to be postmodern.

I just make the millennial cut.  As far as being postmodern, that has little to do with age and a lot to do with perspective.

I do not see things in absolutes like you may.  I see the world differently.  I’m not looking for metanarratives; I don’t believe that one size fits all, and so I don’t believe one type of funeral ritual is good for all.  I see multiple stories, many narratives and I realize that each narrative, each community is looking for something different in both life and death.

Four. I’m writing my blog for millennials and postmoderns.

My generation isn’t interested in the funeral business as much as they’re interested in the people of the funeral business.  I – my story, my narrative, my life, my thoughts – will be the foundation of my sustainability as a funeral director.  Not necessarily marketing, the new “personalized” merchandise, the next great package or even an awesome webpage (my website looks as dated as a Nokia clam shell).  My story — good and bad — will shape my future in this industry.  And being able to tell that story in social media is the means to that end.

Five.  I’m willing to be transparent. 

Maybe even too transparent?  Because I think transparency is akin to vulnerability.  And vulnerability is one of the keys to connecting with postmoderns and millennials like myself.

Six.  I’m a bronie.

Just kidding.  Okay, maybe I like My Little Ponies a tiny, tiny bit.

Seven.  I like Mother Earth.

I don’t think that this world is something we should use and abuse because there’s another, better world in the life beyond.  I don’t think earth is a playground that we can mess up because REAL life starts after this one.  I believe this world is special … that we should treat it as such.  And while I serve, honor and respect people who want embalming, I’m moving towards natural burial as a more environmentally friendly and psychologically healthy method of disposition.

Eight.  I’m a heretic.

Yes, my desire to move away from industrialized funerals, including embalming, is considered heresy for some.  You’re welcome to burn me on social media.  Just don’t use real fire.  Please.  I have skins.  I burns.  It hurts.

Nine.  It’s not just that I’m a millennial and postmodern, it’s also that I’m young and I have a platform.

I’m not using my platform to “tell everyone how it SHOULD be done.”   I’m sharing my thoughts and inviting a conversation.  I want the conversation, even if it leads down a path I’m not comfortable with.  Just so we’re clear.  And yes, I’m young.  I’m 32.

Ten.  I like Nickelback, The Twilight Series and … I’m not a big fan of cats.  Sorry.