(After writing and rereading this post, I thought to myself, “Hopefully nobody reads this and thinks I’m crazy.”  I’d hate to come home today and have a shrink waiting to do a “quick eval” on my psychological wellness.  So, as a preface, let me say that this post is dark humor … it’s meant to make light of something heavy for the purpose of gaining a different perspective.  I could tell you the different perspective I’m intending to communicate, but then I’d be less than a decent writer.  So, if you read this and are tempted to call the authorities, I assure you that I am crazy, but not so crazy that I’m outside the ranks of the normal.)

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There’s “Middle Name Pride Day” on February 12th; March 18th is both “Awkward Moments Day” and “Forgive Your Mom and Dad Day”; and August 6th is “Hamburger Day”, so why can’t there be “Death Appreciation Day”?

Sure, most countries celebrate a “Festival of the Dead” in which they remember those who have passed away, but why not have a day solely devoted to Death?

I know, you have some questions, such as:

What would we celebrate?

1.) We’d celebrate all of the motivation that death gives the world.

I mean, would you really work so hard for that retirement if you knew you’d live forever?  Would you change your bad habits right now if you knew you had an eternity to attempt to rectify yourself?  Death makes responsible citizens out of most of us.

2.) We’d enjoy and celebrate other great things that Death has given us … like inheritance money.

3.) We’d also take time to be thankful for all the space our forefather’s have left us. How crowded would this globe be if it wasn’t for the Grimm Reaper?  I love my relatives, but living shoulder to shoulder with them for an eternity might get slightly annoying.

4.) And then there’s the great art that Death has given us.  We’d never have Edgar Allen Poe, nor could we imagine the joys of heaven with Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel.  And who wouldn’t miss the incredible casket haulers we call “hearses”?  Hearses are moving creativity that never would have been created had Death never moved us.

5.) And chicken … steak … sushi. Seriously, why would you want to live if not for sushi? But, guess what, no death, no sushi.

6.) We’d celebrate the world economy.  No death, no economy.

If you wouldn’t die, would you buy safety features on the car you probably wouldn’t own and that you definitely wouldn’t have insured?

Heck, would cars or planes even exist if we lived forever? You’d just walk to anywhere you wanted to go cause you’d have all the time in the world.

Doctors, maybe preachers, and certainly funeral directors would all be without jobs. Almost everybody would be affected (although I’m sure lawyers would find a way to get work).

7.) And for all the good people Death has taken, we shouldn’t forget it’s also taken some real jerks.  Hitler.  Stalin. Who would want to live forever with those guys? Death has stamped a massive “FAIL” on the forehead of most the world’s dictators. And, it’s killed all the billions and billions of stink bugs that have lost their lives.

Can you imagine a world where death never touched a stink bug? If you can’t imagine it, I can and it’s one that’s very, very stinky.

So, thank God for death. We should probably decide to celebrate it.

Once we pick a date, we can all wear black and celebrate the greatness of death by having picnics in cemeteries, listen to Emo music, watch Zombie movies and top off the day by taking a couple minutes off our lives in homage by smoking cigarettes.

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If I’ve missed any of Death’s praises, please lend your voice in the chorus of appreciation.

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